After Our Stars Collided by Adeline Ingram & Arlette Clèment
June 16, 2011, how could I forget that day? The day I met him. My best friend, Sam. Since that day, Sam and I have been best friends, being with one another through our hardest and happiest moments. Just two years after meeting Sam, on September 15, 2013, I received the news that ruined everything for me. I was diagnosed with cancer. That day, Sam and I promised each other that we would stay together no matter what. Now that promise is broken and it’s all my fault.
July 12, 2021
Today marks four years. Four years being cancer free and I couldn't be happier. Summer was going great so far, I could even say this was one of the best summers of my life. Sam and I spent almost every day together and at night we had a special thing where we would lay on grass in this nearby hill, and we would observe the stars, it was wonderful. In just one month we would both be back to school as juniors in high school, and I was totally not looking forward to that. For now I would just enjoy the rest of the summer, while it lasted.
September 1, 2021
How could this have happened? How did I end up here once again? Eight years ago, I had gone through the same thing. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I just wanted to disappear at this moment. I tried to keep a smile, but how could someone ever smile when they are just told they wouldn't be able to keep living their normal life? How could someone even try to fake a smile when they are told they have a 5-year survival rate? I couldn't do it– I wasn't strong enough. In a matter of seconds, I felt tears dripping down my cheeks. I looked over at my mom whose face was already covered in tears. She leaned over and hugged me very tightly. I had just been diagnosed with Lung Cancer.
"I take back what I said" she told me. As soon as I heard those words I knew exactly what Lillian was talking about. It all started that Wednesday night, when we were racing to see who would get up the hill first to do what we did almost every night, observe the stars. I noticed how it was difficult for her run without her complaining about her breathing. It all started with a cough that progressively got worse. I remember that moment eight years ago when Lillian told me she had been diagnosed with cancer. And now it was happening all over again. How could I hold back in my tears when she was my best friend? I hugged her very tightly and asked her, ‘’remember that promise we made eight years ago?’’
The name is Sam, Sam Tremblay Wright, and yes, I am indeed Lillian’s best friend. Ever since we were 6, we have been inseparable. We have had our ups and downs of course but we soon realized we needed each other. When Lillian was diagnosed with cancer, I remember being with her at the hospital more times than I can remember. These past four years she was back as the old Lillian she had been when I first met her and before she got sick. Adventurous, cheerful, funny and most important of all, happy. These past four years she has been really happy just like when I had first met her. Unlike those four years where she spent most of her time at the hospital. She was just a kid, and she tried to stay happy, but most of the time I know she really wasn't.
Of course I remember. The promise we made each other eight years ago when I first got diagnosed. ‘’I promise to stay forever by your side no matter what’’ we said to each other. But now my parents have started being overprotective over me. And I get it. I know they just want to protect me because they love me and because I'm their only daughter. But sometimes I just wish they would treat me like a normal person. Now for the first time in my life I would not be starting school in an actual school, but instead at my house because I was going to be homeschooled.
She was leaving me. Yes, I know she wasn't really leaving me, but we just wouldn't go to school together. I was worried now, she was my closest friend. How would I go through an entire school year without her? Now, unlike every past school year, I wouldn't be with her and she wouldn't be with me. I was going to miss her, alot.
Just like the doctor had told me. I had started chemotherapy 3 weeks ago and was told that in about two to four weeks my hair might start falling out and so it was happening now. I didn't want to lose my hair once again but I knew it had to happen. I fell to the floor and started crying. The next time my parents asked me if I needed anything to feel better, I immediately replied “yes”. I had come to a decision that I wanted to get a wig. Unlike when I was 8, I felt insecure now, very insecure.
November 16, 2021
It's just not the same anymore. It's been two months since the school year started and each time I see Sam less and less. Now that I'm homeschooled I feel like Sam I and are separating from each other and I don't want that. I haven't seen Sam for about two weeks, and well, that's a long time for us since we saw each other almost everyday. This makes me sad, so I decide to text him and ask him if we can hang out tomorrow. My life has changed a lot, ever since I got diagnosed with cancer two months ago. From staying at the hospital several nights, to my parents being overprotective over me and from crying almost every night now. I needed Sam more than ever right now.
No, no, no. I had totally forgotten about the text Lillian had sent me yesterday. These past weeks I had not been able to see her. Starting school without her was very different. But soon I realized that I was able to make it even if she wasn't by my side. I do have to admit I feel bad for not calling her and asking how she was, but I had been so busy hanging out with the new friends I made. I decided to give her a call to apologize for the way I acted these past weeks.
‘’Lillian, I am very sorry I wasn't able to hangout today. It's just that I had already made plans with my friends and I didn't want to cancel-’’
‘’Sam, it’s fine, it doesn't really matter either ways.’’
‘’Lillian, are you mad?’’
‘’No I'm Not’’
‘’Oh ok, it just that you sounded mad so I just thought-’’
‘’SAM, I AM NOT MAD BUT IF YOU KEEP SAYING THAT I AM GONNA BE MAD’’
‘’Lillian, what's wrong?’’
‘’YOU WANNA KNOW THAT TRUTH SAM?’’
‘’Yes, just tell me what’s wrong!’’
‘’WELL THE THING IS THESE PAST WEEKS YOU HAVE BEEN PRETTY MUCH IGNORING ALL MY TEXTS, EVERYTIME I ASKED IF I COULD SEE YOU TO TALK YOU SAY YOU ARE TOO BUSY, and I needed you, Sam.’’
‘’Lillian, I know I’m so sorry I’ve been acting this way it's just I’ve been been busy cause I made these friends-’’
‘’OH OF COURSE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN ME NOW THAT YOU HAVE NEW BETTER FRIENDS THAT AREN'T STUCK IN THE HOSPITAL ALMOST EVERYDAY.’’
‘’LILLIAN PLEASE, I NEVER SAID THAT.’’
‘’YOU'VE BASICALLY REPLACED ME WITH THESE NEW FRIENDS OF YOURS.’’
‘’NO LILLIAN STOP, LISTEN TO ME YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!’’
‘’WELL IT LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE BECAUSE, I'VE NEEDED YOU SAM, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH.’’
‘’WELL YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHING, LILLIAN? DID YOU KNOW MY PARENTS ARE GETTING DIVORCED? I BELIEVE NOT, RIGHT? WELL THEY HAVE BEEN THE ONLY ONES THERE TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. I GET IT LILLAIN YOU ARE SICK, BUT EVERYTHING ISN'T ALWAYS ABOUT YOU.’’
‘’I hate you, Sam.’’ The last words I ever said to my best friend. I will never ever forgive myself.
Now he's not here, and it's all my fault.